Culture Shock

Culture shock. It didn't hit me in Italy, but it's definitely making life harder here in the Americas. Who would've thought life would flow out of me in a country I've never been in? I grew there. Here, back home, I kind of just go with the motions of my former life, which wasn't all that bad, but compared to Italy it grays in comparison... I don't mean to be a downer, but how do I balance these two worlds, these two me's, these two lives that I want, no, I need to live. I need to learn to adjust. I'm not doing so bad, it isn't as if I'm melting back in the same old same old as I left it back in March. I'm still new, and I'm still awesome... only struggling to bring my beautiful outlook on life to this Washington world of greens and grays, from the Italian life of reds and tanned skins. I returned home with this amazing I-can-do-anything attitude which I still have, although I feel like it's being a bit postponed or blocked by this uh-oh-everything-is-the-fucking-same-here realization... How do I keep my independence and "self-empoweredness" without giving everyone I left behind the finger? Okay, that's a tad dramatic, but it's almost how it is. This or that. Am I giving myself an ultimatum? That's bullshit. It's frustrating because I have to create this environment so that I can thrive in it. Italy was that environment for me, so I have to carry all that it had taught me as well as as everything all my friends and family (yes, my host family is like true family to me) had taught me: how to love, and how to be loved. I learned how to love myself there because others were able to show me so much love. I almost forgot what it was like to open up and let people in; not only that but let relationships in my life really mean something. I learned how to ask someone how they were (in 2 languages mind you) and actually WANT to know the truth. What's more they asked me back and I knew it was sincere and that they genuinely cared about me. I let well over 30 new people into my heart and I am undoubtedly a better person for it. Period.