it shall be...

July Fifth. That day me, Samantha, Dylan, and hopefully (please, please, please) Nick will embark on our summer across America! Destination: Massachusetts. It's perfect. Right after the Fourth of July we're hitting the road to cities that this great country has to offer, and I've seen so little of it so far. And that's just not right, not fair. What better time than now? I'm a freshman in college, soon to be sophomore... And I can't put this off. Who knows, next year I could be studying in Italy - an actually pretty reasonable possibility. After these four years, I'll be a graduate of the University of Washington... Then maybe a grad student here or somewhere else, and before I know that trip I always promised Samantha will be shattered, forever destined to be a regret, a 'what if'. I could easily find a summer job, or work with my dear friend Karli in Crescent bar all summer making serious bankus... or work - inevitably - for the rest of my life after college. That's a main consequence of a university education - a career. A career that will take up time, it's a committment, and hopefully a passion, but the POINT is that, again, this is the TIME for me. For so long I've been just closing myself to the world; for the past two years I would say actually that I began on this track... Well to summarize - I became content in my privacy and intimate life. I had my own world, full of bliss, yet separate from everything and everyone I used to know. Still present, but never really available. And I guess it took me two years to not only realize, but also ready to make a change. I knew there was always a little something missing and I was conflicted so much within myself and with others that I soon shut it out altogether. Allowing myself to be caught up in school, work, and extracurriculars I was deceiving myself, partially. I made some decisions and sacrifices, but looking back I see now that I sacrificed parts of me. And in someways I became better, but in others I became a recluse in denial. I would be flakey, screen calls and those two acts alone make me feel so wretched. It wasn't right and I knew, and yet I ignored it. I try to justify things that were unjustifiable. Soon enough nobody expected anything from me - time, call backs, friendship. I didn't it anticipate people, my friends, changing so fast before me, but it was because I was without them and I hadn't given myself the chance to. And for that mistake I missed out. I can't gain any of that back, but if I weren't such an idiot and could've somehow got my shit together back then, maybe I wouldn't feel like I have to start from scratch. But I deserve this. I don't mean that it's punishment, I just feel as though I have some making up to do, and that begins with myself. I can't start anywhere else. I need to better myself in order to better the relationships I regrettably neglected. For me, that begins with a bit of self discovery. And who better with than my loyal and true friends; the ones who, despite my absence, loved me know matter what and who probably can help me find bits of myself again. I was never truly lost, but I'm in need of a tune-up I guess. Repair the parts that broke, polish the progress that I have made, and grow, perhaps, pieces I want to have be apart of me again or for the first time. I love life. How it can be destroyed and yet in the face of annhilation the human spirit can decide to rise again out of the ashes, from a deep stupor, and start over. This road trip will be apart of my "reawakening". I need to stop sulking like I used to, and forget about the mistakes I know I've made, and really just fucking man up. I can, especially because I want to, I need to. And I'm sure bettering myself will always be a goal in my life. Sometimes more than others, who knows, but it has to start now. Like this road trip, I am now or never - what better time?